Lee's Blog: Taco Bell Hijinks

October 04, 2001

Taco Bell Hijinks

Thursday, October 4, 2001

This is about the neatest program ever. It's a high-resolution 3-D solar system. Pretty cool, eh?

This is the site with the rules for the Design Build Fly competition. Just in case you was wondering.

This is what happens when you have a thing for squirrels, some FLASH skills, and too much time on your hands. Note that it contains some harsh language and, well, odd imagery. Really odd.

So last night, George, Tommy, and I went on a food expedition. We had been engaging in a deep, philosophical exploration of the nature of love, and we were hungry. Jack In The Box sounded good.

I don't know if you've ever driven in Texas, but if you have, and your IQ is above six, you've noticed that parking lots are designed exclusively by people whose IQ is less than six. It's horrible. So here we are, piled into George's Civic, trying to figure out how to get into the Jack In The Box parking lot. Apparently, the route involves single combat with crazed guard dogs. So, we opted to park in the parking lot which surrounds the JITB on all sides. Why doesn't there exist a driveway between the two? Apparently, that's a stupid question to ask. I did in fact ask that question, and you wouldn't believe the look I got from the JITB guy. More on him later.

So, we walk to the door: Locked. Drat. So we decide to walk through the drive thru. The first problem we encountered was how to activate the trigger, informing the JITB employees of our presence. While Tommy jumped up and down on the treadle, I put on my thinking cap. I noticed that the treadle was not pressure sensitive, but used an electromagnetic induction sensor like traffic light sensors do. So, I put my pocketknife, my keys, and my wallet chain on the treadle.

"Welcome to Jack In The Box, may I take your order?"

Victory!

We placed our order and strolled to the pick up window. We got the guy's attention, and tried to give him our money. He shook his head, and tapped on the inside of the window.

I was uninterested in why the man was tapping on the window. I just wanted my Sourdough Jack (with complementary Dallas Cowboys' Antenna Ball. Woo.) I wouldn't have thought the transaction was too complicated: We have money, we want food. Basis of American capitalism, right? Well, apparently, JITB has a different set of priorities. The sign that the guy was tapping on said that they didn't accept walk-up orders. I was flabbergasted.

"You mean, just because I'm not sitting in a car, you don't want my money?" I asked. "Right." says the JITB drone. "Hold on...you've already made our food! It's right there behind you!" explained Tommy. "....huh?" says the JITB guy.

At this point, I figure I've had about enough of this nonsense. I look across the guard dog pit, across the street, and notice a Taco Bell. Brain says "Run for the border!" Gastrointestinal tract says "Uuuuugh!"

Brain won.

So, we dodge traffic across the street, walk up to the drive-thru ordering place, placed our order, REALLY surprised the clerk (who was both courteous and attractive, and didn't seem to have any problem with our lack of a vehicle). We got our food. We went back to Tommy's place. We ate our food, and my tummy was in fact unhappy.

So, what's the deal, Jack? We've got all these commercials about you being the off-the-beaten-path sort of fast food joint. But I walk up to your drive through, and my money's not good enough? What's up with that? I wouldn't have thought that legal tender changed value if it passes through a car window first.

But then again, what the hell do I know? Oh yeah. I know not to eat at Taco Bell. Ugh.

Posted by Lee at October 4, 2001 12:53 AM

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