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May 25, 2002
The Great Squid Caper
Saturday, May 25, 2002
OK, so it's been forever since I've updated this. This story will be worth the wait.
My friend Matt messages me yesterday. Here's a transcript. I'm Lesingemechant (that means "The Naughty Monkey") and Matt is mmussel3
mmussel3: OH MY GOD DUDE!
mmussel3: I JUST THOUGHT OF THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!
LeSingeMechant: Yes, Tim? (That's an inside joke. Ask Matt about it.)
LeSingeMechant: Uh oh.
LeSingeMechant: What is it?
mmussel3: [scoff]
At this point, I'm fastening my mental seat belt. My friend Matt here tells the best bad jokes on the planet, so his prank is likely to be pretty out there.
mmussel3: heh heh
mmussel3: so, you know how Ann's toilet is utterly bespangled with warnings to all males to put the lid down, not peepee on the seat, etc etc etc?
LeSingeMechant: Yep.
LeSingeMechant: We have to do something bad to it.
mmussel3: (which, if I might add, really makes one wonder at her freudian toilet training issues, among other things)
mmussel3: it doesn't say ANYTHING about...
mmussel3: octopi.
So I'm kinda worried now. Matt's taken a complete left turn, and I have no idea where he's headed. The light has not yet dawned.
LeSingeMechant: You're right, Matt, what is the significance of this omission?
mmussel3: well, considering that I know how to obtain said whole dead octopus
mmussel3: for a reasonable price
LeSingeMechant: Dude.
LeSingeMechant: She would flip out.
mmussel3: how freaking funny would her reaction to THAT be?
mmussel3: X'D
LeSingeMechant: I think we'd find her hanging by her fingernails from a light fixture.
mmussel3: X'D
So at this point, Matt and I are totally on the same page. We're apoplectic with laughter imagining what poor Ann's reaction is going to be to her new cephalopod friend. I go to school chuckling to myself about how uncontrollably funny this is going to be. Fast forward to 9pm, when I get to the scene of the crime. The perpetrators have all arrived, and our victim is anticipated at around midnight. However, there has been a change of plan. Matt bought an octopus at the market, but unfortunately, he realized it was only half an octopus. The cross-section was interesting to examine, but the shock factor just wasn't there.
So he got squids.
OK, so that's Matt and our new cephalopod housemate. The thing is about as long as your arm...I couldn't believe how big it was. So we stuff the thing in the commode, so all you can see is a head and tentacles.
Now, we're all laughing 'till we can't stand up. This is the apparently the funniest thing that's ever happened to any of us.
Now, the house we're defacing belongs to my friend Tommy. He thinks this is pretty amusing too, but we want to not wreck his plumbing. Having said that, we're considering two logistical problems.
1) Inadvertant flushing of the mollusk. That's bad.
2) Apprehension of mollusk by Mocha and Chloe, Ann's adorable and inquisitive (and probably hungry) cats. Said apprehension being followed by dragging the poor squid across the floor, resulting in an unbelievable reek. (This thing was STINKY.)
So, we did two things.
1) Sabotage toilet
2) Fill toilet with additional water to submerge squid
We just think we're so clever. So, fast forward to about midnight. The lot of us are upstairs blowing each other up on PS/2 and Dreamcast. Chu Chu Rocket RULES! We're being all noisy and stuff, so Ann shows up and promptly decides to spend the night at a friend's house.
Ruh roh, Raggy.
This was not part of our foolproof master plan. Ann snags a toothbrush and a change of clothes, and starts headin' for the door. We're all looking at each other, aghast at the thought of our carefully crafted plan crumbling before our eyes, thwarted by the incomprehensible revelation that no, thank you, Ann does not need to go tinkle.
Enter Sarah. Sarah BRILLIANTLY attempts no less than four carefully arranged ruses to draw Ann into the bathroom, to meet her new friend.
No avail.
OK, so we're all just totally cracking up right now, and Ann knows something's up. She's all like "Uh, see you guys later or something..." and is out the door. We're all just totally crestfallen! All this hard work! Tommy's rolling around on the floor hollerin', trying to figure out what went awry. The ruckus draws Ann back into the room, at which point we all basically shout "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO LOOK IN THE TOILET!!!"
so she does.
You can also read another account of this on Tommy's page.
Oh yeah, and I burned some holes in a CD with a laser. I rule.
Posted by Lee at 01:22 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack