Lee's Blog: Julia's Funeral

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July 25, 2002

Julia's Funeral

Thursday, July 25, 2002

Tough couple days.

Sunday, Emily called me and told me that her cousin Julia had been killed in an automobile accident in Houston. She told me that she was going to the funeral, and asked me to accompany her. I was happy to oblige.

I had really mixed feelings...I was really eager to see her (and her family, who I really like) again, but I knew that it was going to be a painful experience for everybody.

As it turned out, it was cheapest for Emily to fly into Dallas, and for us to drive down to Houston together. She flew in at midnight on Monday. Rusty and Sarah were happily able to join us for breakfast on Tuesday, before we headed out to Houston.

We got to Houston with only a modicum of difficulty (bad burger in Corsicana for Emily). We were driving Idoru, my poor beloved Miata. Driving across Texas with no air conditioning is an exercise in physical fortitude. Avoid.

Tuesday evening was the viewing, and the wake. Emily had been asked by Julia's family to sing at the funeral mass. She arranged to meet with the organist late in the evening, and we then went to the funeral home.

I am continually impressed with Emily's family. Even on this somber occasion, they were very friendly and welcoming to me, although I was something of a stranger. I was touched to be so included in this very difficult, personal time.

It might sound funny for a 28 year old guy, but I haven't really had to deal with death on a personal level. I mean, I've had pets die, and I was sad. My great grandmother and my grandfather have passed away, but in both cases it was one of those situations where you were left with the feeling that "it was time", so the death, though sad, was not a tragedy. However, this year, I've been brought steadily closer to my own mortality. A classmate of mine lost his infant son to an inoperable brain cancer. A coworker of mine's mother took her own life. My boss has lost a brother and a sister in rapid succession. And now, I'm looking at the still form of a beautiful young woman, lying in a casket. It hit me pretty hard.

I shook hands with the mother and the older sister, both of whom were bearing up very courageously. I simply didn't know what to say to these people without sounding like an idiot. I felt so awful that they had lost somebody who was such a vital part of their life, and I simply had no similar experience. I was at a complete loss for words.

The eulogy was truly astounding. Person after person after person came to the front of the room to speak about how Julia had lit up their lives. No less than ten of her classmates called her their "best friend". On occasion, Julia would say "I'm the Queen of Everything!" and everybody pretty much seemed to agree with her. By all accounts, she was an intelligent, vivacious, athletic, talented woman. She was a dynamic member of her church youth group. Everybody kept coming back to the fact that Julia lived every single day of her life. She wasn't waiting to get out of high school to start her life...she was making every day real and vital, and using every moment to tie herself to the people around her.

I wanted desperately to be able to say the same thing about my life.

I developed such an enormous respect for this young woman, and I deeply felt the loss of never having met her. Then her little brother stepped up to the podium. I didn't even understand everything he said, but it was abundantly clear that he just wanted his big sister back.

At that point, I just came apart.

I simply had no idea what to do. I mean, nothing I can imagine how to do or say seemed to be at all worthwhile anymore. What is my petty knowledge and wisdom against the loss of a young life?

Emily and I had to leave. She was meeting with the organist to rehearse her part in the service in the morning. I made small talk with her older brother, Chuck, and we sang along on the hymns we knew. We made fun of the Catholic hymnal, which didn't have the four-part harmonies written out...just the melody. It was a very nice tension breaker. I really don't know if I could have taken much more of the eulogies...and I hadn't even met the poor girl.

Emily's singing was, as usual, magnificent. She was sight-reading almost everything, and just kept sounding better and better and better. I have a great deal of regard for her skill and professionalism...she's awfully good at what she does.

The next morning, we attended the funeral mass. Emily was up in the choir loft, and I was sitting between her younger sister Kathryn and her brother. The homily (that's Catholic for "sermon") was well delivered, and centered on the fact that Julia had gone to her rest, and it was up to us left behind to continue in her footsteps.

Towards the end of the mass, we Protestants made the common mistake...we forgot that the Catholics often break The Lord's Prayer into two parts. I made a (totally inappropriate) joke about that to Kathryn, something about "You can always tell who the Protestants are when that happens..." or something equally inane.

The priests served communion, and I reflected on what this experience meant to me. I know that I haven't had any revelations that lots of people haven't had before, but it was the first time that the importance of living fully had been made REAL to me. I felt awful that it took the death of a young woman to get me to realize this.

It occured to me that if each person in that sanctuary could take just a little bit of Julia's fire and passion, and light it in our own lives, then our world will be a much, much better place.

So, Julia, message received. Although I feel I know a little about you in death, I'd have very much liked to know you in life. Rest in peace.

Posted by Lee at July 25, 2002 01:36 AM

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