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July 08, 2002

Show Us On The Doll...

Saturday, June 8, 2002 


Disclaimer: This story contains the account of a joke at somebody's expense. Said joke is in fairly poor taste. If any of ye be faint of heart or spirit, go nae further. For DEATH awaits ye ALL with nasty big pointy teeth!


Every Friday night, Tommy and I go play geeky role-playing games until the wee hours of the morning. My pal Bill (who's also an aero geek at UTA) hosts these get-togethers (gets-together? What would be the correct plural?) in Flower Mound. Normally, Eric and John (who looks like Henry Rollins, only shorter) are there, and we have a rotating crew of frequent players including Bill, Zack, Zack 2.0 (aka Ryan, Zack's twin brother. As an aside, had I met Ryan first, it would be Ryan and Ryan 2.0, Ryan's twin brother. No offense express or implied.) and Mike (who's pretty quiet, and pretty funny).


Tonight, there were about seven of us. Tommy, John, Bill, Eric, and I went to Steak N' Shake (this one to be exact) to eat. I wasn't hungry, so I got the largest strawberry shake in captivity. I asked our (very amusing and patient) waitress Jamie whether they served anything in a wastebasket-sized container, and she told me no. Rats.


So anyway, Zack and a New Guy show up. Well, he was new to me, anyway, and that's all that matters. New guy's name was Kitt. Now, back when I was in third grade, I LOVED Knight Rider. I used to try to talk to my watch, hoping the cool black Trans-Am would pull up in front of school. Well, unfortunately, it didn't happen. Said Trans-Am was a computer-enhanced SUPERCAR named...wait for it...K.I.T.T. (Knight Industries Two Thousand, if memory serves). Now, I have to give my new table-mate Kitt (the dude, not the black car) some slack...I know he's been dealing with this joke since he was walking upright. But man! I LOVED that show! That was the coolest car! So I HAD to make a comment.


He didn't think it was very funny.


OK, fair enough. I offer an olive branch, and he more or less accepts it. Now, when we're actually gaming (as opposed to eating) we kinda make fun of each other. A lot. And we laugh at each other. A lot. Especially new guys...you gotta sink or swim with this crew.


Well, it was about to go to a whole new level.


Somebody mentioned Spider-Man, the cool new movie. (Oh, and by the way, YIKES. Do not go to http://www.spiderman-movie.com/. You will be sad. You'll be redirected to http://hanky-panky-college.com/, and then barraged with a bunch of pop-up windows that it's really hard to close rapidly enough to make your boss not see them. You've been warned.) Kitt opined that the CGI (computer generated imagery) sucked. There was pretty general disagreement at the table...most of us really liked the movie, and thought it was done pretty well. Kitt started to mention that he thought the story was well done, he just had some technical issues with the way the computer characters were integrated into the movie. Fair enough, but blood was already in the water, and we were starting to circle.


We were trying to figure out what exactly had gotten his underpants in a wad about this movie. Somebody asked whether Spiderman had taken Kitt's lollypop. Then we were wondering if the director of the movie had inflicted some sort of childhood trauma. Somebody (I think it was Bill) said "Did Stan Lee abuse you as a child?" (Stan Lee is one of Spider-Man's co-creators)


Then Tommy drops Tha Bomb.


Tommy calls out, "Show me on the doll where he touched you!!"


Utter silence.


Then, everybody at the table ERUPTS in laughter. At that point, I become absolutely incoherent...tears are streaming out of my eyes and I'm pounding on the table. John, sitting across from me, is laughing hysterically. Eric looks like he's going to fall out of his chair. Kitt, well, Kitt is nonplussed. Poor guy, I mean, here he is, among a group of relative strangers, and they're all laughing hysterically at his expense. Been there, done that, guy...I do feel for you.


But it was really funny.

Posted by Lee at July 8, 2002 01:26 AM

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