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August 18, 2003
Toobin' Rules!
ROAD TRIP!
Tommy, Teel, and I went to New Braunfels this weekend to go toobin'. Friday night, we stayed with Teel's friend Elaine, in a beautiful house not too far from downtown New Braunfels. On our way through Austin on Friday, we stopped for coffee and met two different Heathers, both friends of Teel (who, for reasons that will likely only ever be funny to the two of us, will henceforth be dubbed the Teel of Two Cities) who decided to come play on the river with us the next day. We saw a goat, which looked TOTALLY EVIL. I love Austin.
Elaine was kind enough to open her door for us at a really absurd hour, and gave us comfortable beds to crash into.
Saturday morning, I appointed myself Keeper of the Time, and proceeded to harry my party members out of the house so we could Go Have Some Fun. After going to both a Wal-Mart and a Target looking for new trunks for Tommy, and water shoes for Teel, and food for all of us, we finally rendezvoused with Heather, Heather, and Mark at Felger's Toob Rental across from Prince Solms Park.
(Incidentally, it's getting really hard to keep all the Matts and all the Heathers straight in my head. Couple weeks ago, we just decided to number them and marry them off together: Seven Matts for Seven Heathers. OK, it was funny if you were there. Trust me.)
So we got into the river a bit after noon, and ran the Toob Chute. Grand time. Everybody survived, thanks to the RALLY MONKEY! (picture forthcoming) that protected our cooler. Unfortunately, RALLY MONKEY (and yours truly) had less luck on our second run, after we'd met up with Shannon and her friends Corey and Abe. When we ran the chute, the cooler tumped over. I managed to get it back upright, but at that moment, the latch blew and dumped the contents of the cooler into the MASSIVE WHIRLPOOL at the base of the tube chute.
Doh.
I was really proud that I managed to grab both wallets, and most of the shoes. The beer was gone (WOE!), and I did lose one of Heather's white Converse All-Stars. eek.
Anyhow, we got our act back together, and continued down the river.
After our second run, we went back to Elaine's to clean up and get ready for dinner at Romeo's, my all-time favourite Italian joint. We scored some bruscetta with the GARLICKY GARLICKY GARLIC on top. Sorry, but if you go to an Italian joint with me, you will have to put up with my garlic breath until I get to a toothbrush (which I usually carry). I figure you sign up for that when you agree to eat Italian food, which is NOTHING without garlic.
So, after dinner, we headed to Celena's pad for the Superhero Party. I was dressed as the SPACE POPE!, while Tommy and Teel were Bubble Man! and Teenage Viking Supergoddess! respectively.
After chillin' with some really gnarly blue punch, we went to another party across town. Teel's friends Chris and Lee were throwing a bash for Holly's birthday. All of these people were, of course, utter strangers to me...which was even funnier when I walked in with a pointy hat and a weird robe, blessing people. SPACE POPE gets around. I knew I was in the right place when there was a Brunswick bowling alley overhead score-projector sitting in the front yard.
So then Teel decides to try on Chris's chain mail vest. Every man in the building immediately becomes slightly happier. w00t!
Spoke with a lot of cool people, but then it was time to go. We were crashing at Celena's place. Earlier in the evening, we were instructed to come in, and yell "FAHRVERGNUGEN!" to announce our presence when we got back. We did. Only to discover that the people in the living room that we'd just invaded were a) asleep and b) not Celena and Anthony.
Good thing they were c) not armed. After a bit of funny introductions (OK, they were funny to me, but I wasn't the one woken up by three weirdos coming through the door!) we got our sleeping arrangements squared away and crashed.
The next morning, we got our show on the road. Went out to my favourite scenic overlook, the top floor of the parking garage of the building I used to work at (on Courtyard Drive off 360, by the bridge). We took some pictures of RALLY MONKEY! and the skyline, and then piled back into the van for the ride home.
Dropped Teel at her apartment, which also has a spectacular view, and then headed to Rusty & Sarah's for Movie Nite. It was a good crowd indeed, although I was not nearly smart enough to watch Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead, which is a superb movie IFF you pay attention to it. Which I couldn't. We did have fajitas, with beef OR chicken OR shrimp. Weyandt brought some shrimp marinade that was absolutely spectacular. Far better than my effort. Good work, man. Allison brought a pound cake and strawberries, which was yummy, and I made a Romanoff sauce to put on top. I promise I'll post a recipe as soon as it's codified, rather than *taste* needs sugar. *taste* needs vanilla. Repeat. Amy said she had a good recipe...maybe I'll talk her out of it. Gene of course made the original, and told me the ingredients...need to talk him out of the proportions too.
So, food, and movie. Big crowd. Good people. Then we stuffed 'em all into the hot tub. With squirt guns. Oh, happy day! 13 people in a 7 person tub. Good thing we're all friendly-types.
Then, home, and cleaning out the van. Gotta vacuum it tomorrow, but it's shiny on the outside and empty on the inside. Now, it's bedtime.
RALLY MONKEY!
Tommy has more pics here. Rusty has more hot-tub pics here.
Posted by Lee at 01:29 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 15, 2003
Number Three...With a Bullet!
I am currently ranked number three on Google if you search for Amazon Warriors, behind Nova and, well, a porn site. I hope that Google gets all recursive on me and moves me up in the rankings because I link to Google linking to me talking about Amazon Warriors.
Amazon Warriors, particularly boomerang equipped ones, are my absolute favourite kind.
If you look down and to your left, you'll note a little box that says "onomatopoeia.org". That's my friend Matt's RSS feed, which automagically updates the headlines listed in that box as he posts. He's a pretty funny guy, although I'd recommend not discussing the finer points of sinus medication with him. He's apparently quite the boxer.
Posted by Lee at 01:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 14, 2003
WEIRD AL RULES!!!
Last week, my old friend Dan called me up, and said "Hey, dude, wanna go to the Weird Al show?" My first response was "EEK! I'm poor!" But he headed me off, and said the magic word:
"FREEEE!!" w00t!
So tonight, Dan and I went to the Weird Al Yankovic Poodle Hat concert at the Bronco Bowl. Now, if you are like me (fat chance, eh?) you'd think the way I used to: That the Bronco Bowl is like the Cotton Bowl...it's a sports stadium, right? Maybe for a rodeo or something, right?
Well, you'd be wrong. When Dan and I went to the last Weird Al concert (Saga Begins, about three years ago), Al said that he insisted to his booking agent that he play at least one show in a bowling alley. The Bronco Bowl is, in fact, a bowling alley. I had no idea.
Unfortunately, the Bronco Bowl is no longer a bowling alley, and it's not going to be a concert venue for much longer. It's being turned into a Home Depot. I can not tell you how much that annoys me.
So the show was awesome. It was like Al was reading my mind as to what song I wanted to hear next. I've been listening to his music for about as long as I've listened to music, and he impresses me again and again as a great musician, a great performer, and a really funny human being.
Tonight I became more aware of his band, who are all really really good. The show was just WAY amusing.
Dan and I met Tommy and Helen (who, in another incarnation, are teaching me how to swing dance). Helen at first was not sure what the heck she was doing at a Weird Al show, but seemed to come around really quickly. She seemed to be having a really good time. Tommy? Well, duh. Tommy's at a Weird Al concert. Of course he had fun.
So after the show, Tommy and I roped Helen into going dancing over at Sons of Herman Hall. We got there at about quarter after eleven, and managed a few dances. Teel brought her friends Jennifer and Andre, who probably had little idea what they were in for. Immediately after introducing them, Teel started showing Andre the basic step. Me being swuft on the uptake, I took Jennifer aside and started to show her what this swing thang is all about. Seeing as how I've only been any good for, like, a month, I felt good about how quickly she seemed to pick it up. Of course, that may well be that she's just far more coordinated and graceful than I am....but I'd prefer to take the credit.
OK, she's far more coordinated and graceful than I am. I still don't suck.
So, tonight, bedtime. Tomorrow, I make a ROCKET MAN! costume for the Superhero bash this weekend in Austin. Celena, babe, here I come!
Posted by Lee at 01:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 11, 2003
Aviation and Intellectual Property: A Rant
I'm a pretty serious NPR junkie. I listen to KERA 90.1, the local affiliate, any time I'm near a radio. This morning on the Diane Rehm Show, Tom Crouch & Peter Jakab of the National Air & Space Museum were talking about their new book, The Wright Brothers and the Invention of the Aerial Age, and the eponymous exhibit at the Smithsonian Institution. It was interesting to contrast their view with that of Seth Shulman, whose book Unlocking the Sky I read a couple weeks ago, after hearing about it on (amazingly enough) NPR.
A bit o' history.
In 1903, the Brothers Wright flew the first manned, heavier-than-air, powered aircraft in history. Their brilliant engineering ushered in a much smaller, faster, and (to me) far more interesting world.
In 1908, Glenn Curtiss claimed the first major aviation prize, flying over a kilometer before witnesses. Curtiss, and his engineering partners (including Alexander Graham Bell), were some of the most prolific and innovative aeronautical engineers of the first half of this century. His aircraft defined the state of the art.
Unfortunately, the Wright Brothers' brilliant engineering came to a screeching halt in about 1905, when they had built an airplane that could essentially fly as long as the pilot cared to keep it in the air. At that point, they concentrated their efforts on securing a worldwide monopoly on the very concept of powered flight, and sued practically every aircraft builder on Earth over the next 15 years. They had secured a patent on their method for lateral stability of aircraft.
An aside: Lateral stability was one of the biggest challenges facing early aviators. Lateral stability can be understood in terms of controlling the aircraft about its "roll" axis, the axis that runs from the nose to the tail of the aircraft. When you were flying around your living room with your arms extended going "NNNYYYEEEEEROOOWNNNG" as a kid, you were imitating lateral stability when you lean left and right to move your "wings". Otto Lilienthal, the German aviation pioneer, was killed in his experimentation with unpowered gliders, largely because his lateral controls were insufficient to keep the airplane upright. The Wright Brothers patented their novel technique for lateral control. Basically, they used a system of cables to warp the wings. To envision this, stick your arms out to the side, and twist your wrists so your left hand turns upwards and your right hand turns downwards. In this configuration, your left "wing" will generate more lift, and tend to lean you to the right. (Now you can go "NNNYYYEEEEROOWNNNG!" if you want to)
So, the Wright Brothers patented their method for controlling the lateral stability of the aircraft. Unfortunately (for everybody but the Wrights) that patent was interpreted by various courts to cover not only their method, but ALL methods for controlling lateral stability. Basically, you could not build a controllable aircraft without infringing on the Wrights' patent, regardless of what mechanism you use to generate that control.
That brings me to my major beef with the patent office, one that has persisted over the last 100 years. The explicit, Constitutional purpose (See Article I Section 8) for the patent office is:
To promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts, by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries
So, the idea is, if an inventor is allowed to profit from their work for a specified period by awarding them exclusive access to their own device, inventors will be encouraged to advance the state of the art. There is a very important concept hidden here: The social good is the advancement of the state of the art, not profit for the inventor. The purpose of this clause is to encourage innovation. The mechanism of that encouragement is the grant of a limited monopoly on an invention.
Now, what happened with the Wright Brothers is that their patent was interpreted to include not only their wing warping technique (which they developed and enhanced, but did not create, although their patent was granted), but any technique for lateral control of an aircraft. Their patent was extended (by the courts) to embrace not their invention (a clever wing warping technique) but an idea (lateral stability and control).
This subtle distinction underscores the problem with the patent system as it is currently being used. "Inventors" (or, more frequently, holding corporations which purchase patents from true innovators, yet do nothing to develop products from said patents) lie in wait for people to develop and market a product, and then sue the pants off of them. The patent holders in these cases often have no intent or ability to actually advance the state of the art (by marketing a product or selling reasonable licenses to others), but to get a big cash win in court. This is not the way the system is supposed to work.
RIM sues Handspring because Handspring has a teeny keyboard on their handheld computers
NTP sues RIM because RIM sells devices that check email wirelessly
RamBus sues everybody who makes fast computer memory
And, the great-granddaddy of them all:
SCO tries to sue everybody who uses and/or develops for Linux
Much like these suit-happy firms, the Wright Brothers (who were indeed superior engineers and innovators before they got distracted with visions of monopoly profits) decided that, rather than innovate, they would prevail by lawsuits. Instead of improving their product, they would try to force their competitors to knuckle under or go out of business (Curtiss' designs consistently out-performed the Wrights' aircraft, yet he was almost forced to close shop because of the Wrights' usurious licensing terms).
So what is fair? Certainly, patents should be able to protect innovators from people who would steal their invention and market it without compensation. However, it is important to remember that the purpose of patent protection is to advance the state of the art by making it safe to publicize and market technological advancement.
So what do I suggest? Make patents non-transferrable. The original innovator may offer licensing for their idea, but all licensees should be offered the same terms (no exclusive arrangements). The patent should be protected for a finite amount of time, extendable by the innovator for an escalating cost over time. If another innovator creates a device independently, the patent should be held jointly. Patents should be for specific, non-obvious mechanisms, not for broad concepts. In all cases, patents should be protected if and only if they are on the market. There are several silly patents on the books now, that lock up the logical next steps of information technology devices. For instance, NTP simply took the existing technology of wireless communication, and the existing technology of electronic mail, and decided that they would patent the idea of receiving email over a wireless connection. One key feature of patentable ideas is that they should not be obvious to an expert in the field. Any computer expert would have told you that wireless e-mail is an obvious technology, and should thus not be patentable.
Unfortunately, the US Patent and Trademark Office is overwhelmed with patent applications, and they are unable to exercise their due diligence to uncover prior art which might disqualify a patent application. They leave that task for the courts, which are notoriously favorable to whichever party has deeper pockets.
OK, so that's my rant. Me, I'm now a Glenn Curtiss partisan. I am a big believer in winning in a market due to superior engineering rather than legal obstructionism, monopoly dominance, or deceptive marketing. (Hear that, Mr. Gates?)
Glenn Curtiss, getting ready to fly.
Posted by Lee at 11:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 08, 2003
English. Johnny English.
Rowan Atkinson can be hit or miss. The Mr. Bean movie was awful, but Black Adder was comic genius. Erin, Teel, and I went to see Johnny English tonight. (Yes, yes, mine is a difficult life when two charming young women rely on me to guard them from the blandishments of, well, whatever things there are that blandish.)
Erin and I met at the Flying Saucer (not the Gingerman, right?) for a beer before the movie. Beer then turned into ice cream (through an amazing transmogrification, and a walk around the shopping center), and then we met Teel for yet more beer and movie. See what I mean about a tough life?
So, we went into the almost TOTALLY empty Loews theatre in Arlington, which was PRECISELY IDENTICAL to the one a few blocks from my house where my friends all seemed to work at one time or another during high school. The three of us were feeling pretty rowdy, so it was a good thing that the theater was pretty emtpy. (Teel and I both have rather, uh, distinctive laughs. Cackles. Whatever.)
I did the yawn trick. Twice. I rule. Didn't even get smacked.
So we yukked it up through the movie, which was pretty much exactly what we expected (although John Malkovich as the bad guy was a nice touch. I want to see if I can get some of those fake British pound notes with his face on 'em.) Then, alas, I walked the ladies to their cars and we headed our separate ways. (If I don't do the walking-to-car thing, they take away my shiny armor and white horse. And Arlington's kinda scary sometimes.)
Good times, good times. I really need a job.
Posted by Lee at 01:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 04, 2003
Movie BAD. Movie GOOD. Movie REALLY GOOD.
Sunday night is MOVIE NITE. This week, we watched Doomed Generation, Spinal Tap, and Attack the Gas Station. Audra brought her possums coloring book. We ate gumbo and red beans AND rice. Brittany brought fruit pies. Heather brought a yummy fruit plate. People who arrived while I was still asleep brought an oreo-y cake and brownieses. Yum yum! We ate lots of sugar. Then we watched movies.
Doomed Generation was AWFUL. Avoid at all costs. It was supposed to be this allegorical tale about how, uh, evil, um, some stuff was...ugh. Dreadful. Spinal Tap was, as usual, awesome. The big hit, though, was Attack the Gas Station. This is a Korean flick about four thugs who rob a gas station, and then the next day, they rob it again. After robbing it again, they hang around and fill cars with gas, taking their money. Havoc ensues. Movie is full of culturiffic shenanigans. Must see.
PAGO!!!
Posted by Lee at 11:05 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 03, 2003
It's a Man Thing
Last night was Manly Men Night. Tommy and I went out to his friend's ranch, and we drank beer and rode in jeeps and lit meat on fire and played poker and shot blowguns and did all sorts of socially unacceptable things.
I was awarded the Heisenberg Award for Field Engineering for repairing a non-functional potato gun using duct tape and a Red Stripe bottle cap. Jah love! The ignition electrode had fallen off, so after a bit of very clever experimenting, I figured that a bottle cap crimped around the piezoelectric BBQ igniter would give a pretty good spark. I was right! The fact that I was able to think clearly enough to experiment with electricity leads me to conclude I hadn't had enough to drink. I was a little disappointed that I didn't remember how to solve my kinematics equations for displacement, so I couldn't estimate the vertical travel of the potato given its overall flight time. Oh well. I'll get over it.
I also got to keep the potato gun. w00t!
Breakfast was flapjacks and sausage and bacon and eggs and beer. Do we know how to have fun, or what?
Posted by Lee at 11:32 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 02, 2003
Strangeheart
So Tommy and Gene get it in their heads that we all need to go see this movie Strangeheart. As you might guess, it's a spoof of Braveheart. It's a spoof of Braveheart shot on bad digital video cameras digitized on a pocket calculator starring a bunch of drunken louts located around the DFW Metroplex.
The movie was beyond awful. The experience, however, was quite another thing.
We were informed that there's one way to enjoy this movie: under the influence of, uh, beverages. So we met at Gene's apartment (a short stagger from the movie theater) and started, uh, refreshing ourselves. Then we walked over to the theater and continued with the libations, and collected reinforcements. I guess we numbered about a dozen people now. Then we sat down and joined the crowd in mocking the film. I'm pretty sure that there were some cast and crew in the audience, and they mocked right along with us. Although we were outnumbered, our group was far and away the funniest in the crowd.
I'm still trying to figure out what the English were doing riding beanie babies. I did learn an interesting little historical tidbit, though: Apparently, Adidas are the official shoe of the British Army. Did you know that?
Dreadful movie. Do not rent it. However, if you can find a bunch of weirdos who want to get dronk and watch it with you, you could have some fun. Be warned.
Then, with brazen disregard for the fact that I have to be at work in about three hours, I went to Cafe Brazil with Tommy Audra Allison Joe and myself. We had a grand old time entertaining the diners as we waited for our table, and our server Daisy was very nice to us, although she'd had a rotten evening. Seeing as how she had to deal with noisy louts like us pretty much all the time, it's not hard to imagine how those evenings get so rotten. But, we were nice to her too, so there was much love. Audra and Joe did terrible things to their potatoes. Don't know what's up with that.
This is Joe's favorite picture of cats. Enjoy.
See that guy behind me? I just farted!
Posted by Lee at 04:33 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 01, 2003
Check out the cool...functionality!
Hey hey hey! Me an' my main damie Tommy installed a new instance of my web site today, correcting the story post dates, and all the image links! Note the Stories Archive which is now browse-able by date. Now I'm going to try to find a good way to browse by topic. For now, use the Search function available here.
So, now, you can browse my site with extra MAJESTY!
Consummate V's are scheduled for the next major revision. Go watch Trogdor for allusion referents.
Posted by Lee at 06:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack